The Compliance Monsters Won’t Get Away This Time
The leaves are changing color, the sun is setting earlier, the air is growing colder, and things are generally feeling, um, a little spookier than usual. It’s almost October again, that time of year when the boundaries start to blur—between day and night, between growth and decay, between our world and the world that lies beyond our reach, between compliance programs and compliance monsters.
That’s right: the Compliance Monsters are back, and they’re more fearsome than ever. If you’ve felt a chill walking by that abandoned office full of paperwork, or if you’ve been editing a spreadsheet and the lights have suddenly started to flicker, you’d better beware. Mr. Snap, the Obfusticator, Malaise, and the rest of the crew have returned to their old haunts, and our intel suggests they’re more fearsome this year than ever before.
Do you know the warning signs? Here’s a refresher from the Compliance Monsters Field Guide:
Mr. Snap
You might catch a whiff of his musky odor before you see him. Look closely at that dusty shelf in the corner and you’ll find Mr. Snap, waiting to snatch vital regulatory information and lock it up in a 3-ring binder.
The Obfusticator
He has driven brilliant minds to madness, transforming familiar human speech into incomprehensible technical terminology. He guards a library of policies so dense with jargon a mere paragraph can turn up into down, names into acronyms, and language into frameworks.
Malaise
By the time you realize Malaise has struck, it’s already too late. This infernal force voraciously consumes compliance programs from the inside out, sucking away motivation leaving nothing behind but a dull headache and the howling emptiness of organization-wide apathy.
The Spreadsheet Eater
You might know him as #REF! or #N/A! , as a suddenly dysfunctional computer, or by his other name: No-such-file-or-directory-found. Together with his hunting partner, Tedium, he waits for the perfect moment to swallow your important compliance data.
Tedium
As the Spreadsheet Eater prepares to devour your compliance report moments before you send it to an auditor or your board, Tedium prepares the meal beforehand. She distracts you by adding meaningless, time-wasting tasks to your to-do list, siphoning your energy and weakening your resolve.
That Which Shall Not Be Named
The monster lurking behind it all.
Maybe you’ve heard of him. Perhaps you’ve even encountered him head-on. But if you’ve been tasked with managing your organization’s compliance activities and ethical obligations, you’ve almost certainly felt his effects.
This Year, We’re Bringing the Fight to Them
The Compliance Monsters might have returned—and they might be formidable—but they won’t be getting away this time. This time is different. This time, we’re fighting back. Join Compli’s monster-hunting squad as we track the Compliance Monsters down and drive them away for good. Throughout October, we’ll eradicate these creatures one by one. Grab a flashlight, an employee handbook, and a change of underwear, and meet us back here next week.
