Compliance Monsters
A Field Guide
Maybe you’ve heard of them. Perhaps you’ve even encountered them head-on. But if you’ve been tasked with managing your organization’s compliance activities and ethical obligations, you’ve almost certainly felt their effects.
They’re the vile forces known as compliance monsters, and their malevolence is the stuff of nightmares. At Compli, our intrepid team of cryptozoologists has identified 6 common compliance monster types, as well as the distinguishing traces of each creature’s presence. Unimaginable as the information you’re about to read may sound, you would be wise to familiarize yourself with the following dossiers.
The Obfusticator
He has driven brilliant minds to madness, transforming familiar human speech into incomprehensible technical terminology. He guards a library of policies so dense with jargon a mere paragraph can turn up into down, names into acronyms, and language into frameworks.
Mr. Snap
You might catch a whiff of his musky odor before you see him. Look closely at that dusty shelf in the corner and you’ll find Mr. Snap, waiting to snatch vital regulatory information and lock it up in a 3-ring binder.
Malaise
By the time you realize Malaise has struck, it’s already too late. This infernal force voraciously consumes compliance programs from the inside out, sucking away motivation leaving nothing behind but a dull headache and the howling emptiness of organization-wide apathy.
Spreadsheet Eater
You might know him as #REF! or #N/A! , as a suddenly dysfunctional computer, or by his other name: No-such-file-or-directory-found. Together with his hunting partner, Tedium, he waits for the perfect moment to swallow your important compliance data.
Tedium
As the Spreadsheet Eater prepares to devour your compliance report moments before you send it to an auditor or your board, Tedium prepares the meal beforehand. She distracts you by adding meaningless, time-wasting tasks to your to-do list, siphoning your energy and weakening your resolve.
That Which Shall Not Be Named
Maybe you’ve heard of him. Perhaps you’ve even encountered him head-on. But if you’ve been tasked with managing your organization’s compliance activities and ethical obligations, you’ve almost certainly felt his effects.
Compliance Monsters can get really scary!
